I can't help myself. Really.

Okay, so I have made this decision to actually start checking my Facebook on a regular basis. Although I have had my Facebook page for quite sometime – is it a page or presence? - my Facebook “presence” for quite sometime, I have refused to buy into it. I felt that it would be just one more thing on my plate that I would have to tend to thereby taking all the joy of what should be recreational fun and moving it to the category of drudgery. I view it as this because even though I have voluntarily opened the door, inviting people to communicate with me, now I would have to respond. Whether I wanted to or not. After all, I do not want to be rude!

See, I want to be the fly on the wall, only landing when I choose to. It is my way of participating from a distance without having to actually interact with anyone. So much of my day is spent talking, doing and focusing attention on people and imaginary things that by the end of it, I just want to be quiet. I am not at all thrilled to talk about my day because it is done. Finished. All the blah, blah, blah in the world cannot make the mundane sound interesting, even my mundane stuff.

Now don’t get me wrong, when shit hits the fan, baby, I could talk about it all night long! Only at that level it is called bitching. And people just don’t get it; when I am bitching I don’t want you to solve my problem. I want to bitch. It is a process that I must go through in order for me to let stuff go. It’s my thing. I know there are better ways; I am just not mature enough to utilize them at that particular moment. Put the phone down and walk away. My feelings will not be hurt. I promise.

Another reason Facebook concerns me is that when something strikes me and I actually write on someone’s wall, I am only able to type what the voice in my head dictates. You know, the funny voice. The one who’s delivery can make something that could be perceived as questionable or inappropriate, hilarious. It is accomplished by putting the perfect verbal punch on a specific syllable of a key word. Without this mastery of the punch, whatever I write could possibly be misconstrued as offensive or I may come off as bitchy. Understanding it is a fine line, I often write these witticisms with the belief that the people reading them aren’t actually reading but hearing them read aloud to them by the hilarious voice in my head while their eyes are only tracking the written word.

Sometimes I go back to reread a post that I found particularly funny while typing only to realize it was not at all what I remembered it to be. Not only was it not funny but it also seemed a tad rude. Even to me. This makes me wonder if the persons who’s wall it was left on scrunched their face up hoping to understand, yet, never really being able to do so just moved along, chalking the post up to my having another bad day. I wonder if they take it personally? Or, hold a grudge? I just don’t know.

So if I write on your wall know, know it is not meant to offend or come across snarky. It may seem like a poor attempt at humor when you read it but let me tell you, at the time of writing, you just can’t believe how funny it was! Honestly, the socially appropriate side of my brain has no influence over the voice, which has sole control over my fingers.

Then again, if you are my friend you should already know this.